Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Based Blog

Arrested Development DVD News

2006-05-04T23:40:00.000-07:00

1. AD3, was originally scheduled for release on June 13th, but has been postponed - it should come out sometime soon thereafter.
2. Seasons 1 and 2 are currently 50% off at Amazon.com (both seasons for $40 - can't beat that)

Sunday Six (sunday six indeed!)

2006-04-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

6 Best Easter Candies
------------------
If you ask me Easter has the poorest selection of candy of the major candy-related holidays. Mostly, I believe, because of the reliance on marshmallow as an ingredient and the tendency to just pastel-ize regular every-day candy. But, there are some better than others. The top six:

1. Cadbury Mini-Eggs
totally contradicts what I just said about the inferiority of Easter-time candy. This is one of the best prepackaged candies of the whole year!
2. Cadbury Chocolate Truffle Egg
forget the regular Cadbury Creme Egg - it's so-so - but the chocolate is nice
3. Mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
pastel foil makes no difference - these are actually the best of Reeses, even better than the orignial peanut butter cup
4. Chicks and Bunnies
just Circus Peanuts shaped like chicks and bunnies - but I like Circus Peanuts
5. Starburst Jelly Beans
king of the jelly beans
6. Cadbury Caramel Eggs
not for the caramel-faint-at-heart

hiatus

2006-04-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

I've been on a bit of a hiatus due to the fact that the first week of baseball season is always "free preview" week for MLB Extra Innings. That means, like, seven or eight baseball games everyday for free. The free preview reminds me to never pay for it, lest I destroy my marriage, so it is quite helpful. But for that week...that one glorious week...

I watched virtually all of seven A's games (they went 5-2) as well as snippets of a few other games - throw in a forty hour work week, a NASCAR race, Lost, 24 and a few This Old House Reruns and you've got a full (yet satisfying) week. Unfortunately that doesn't leave much time for blogging (or family), but what can you do?

The Map

2006-03-31T19:17:00.000-07:00

via: Lost Links

I need a hug.

2006-03-31T19:06:00.000-07:00

EW.com Interview: Why daddy let ''Arrested Development'' die

Banny in the Show

2006-03-30T16:12:00.000-07:00

from MLB.com: "Notes: Bannister starts; Heilman to 'pen"

Charles Edmund Cheese

2006-03-23T19:16:00.000-07:00

I went to Chuck E. Cheese's for dinner tonight, and the phrase that comes to mind is: "Thank you, sir, may I have another." Hey, the pizza isn't very good, but at least it's expensive.

Here's what I want to know: When you come in the building they stamp the entire family with a super-secret number on your left hand. Then when you leave, they make sure your taking your kid out and not upgrading or something. Okay, fine. But everytime my family leaves, they check my daughters number ("One"), then they check my wife's ("One, okay"), then they always check my number. Why? They've just established that my wife and daughter go together -- so what if I have number "2"? Are they going to hold me up to give them time to get away from me? Are they going to make me find a #2 kid in order to get out? Are they going to put me on a "creep" watch-list.

It's curious.

Tax Fact Tuesday

2006-03-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

Last week we looked at some strange, but approved, tax deductions. Here are some that didn't make the cut:

-Bath oil: Nice for your skin, but not deductible as a medical expense. [Jefferson, Earl v. U.S., (1973, DC GA) 32 AFTR 2d 73-6053]

-Dancing lessons: Not deductible as medical expense to improve varicose vein problem. [Adler, Irving v. Com., (1964, CA9) 13 AFTR 2d 1175.]

-Dentures: Not allowed as a business deduction for an actor (to enable him to enunciate without a hiss). [Sparkman, Edward v. Com., (1940, CA9) 25 AFTR 285]

-Dog boarding costs: Denied as a business (travel) expense while the taxpayer was away from home. [Baratelle, Kenneth Andrew, (2000) TC Memo 2000-359]

-Fallout shelter: Not deductible as 'preventive medicine.' [Daniels, Fred, (1963) 41 TC 324]

-Tattoos: Not allowed as medical deduction (even when done by professional 'artists'). [Rev Rul 82-111]

-Remember the posing oil approved as a deduction for the professional bodybuilder? That same bodybuilder was denied a deduction for high protein buffalo meat and protein shakes.[Wheir, Corey L. v. Comm. (T.C. Summ. Op. 2004-117)]

Sunday Six (prize inside)

2006-03-19T23:13:00.000-07:00

Last week we covered the doughnuts, today we'll handle more regular breakfast fare: cereal

6 best breakfast cereals

1. Cap'n Crunch
2. Raisin Bran
3. Grape Nuts
4. Cracklin' Oat Bran
5. Fruity Pebbles

honorable mention: Wheat Chex, Frosted Flakes

Happy St. Patricks Day.

2006-03-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

Every St. Patricks day they cart out these troops of Irish clog dancers, who evidently practice all year long preparing to for the Morning News Shows and the performance stage at the local park every March 17th. Always a group of about ten teenaged girls with another group of about 25 younger girls watching (they'll do their less-advanced jig in a moment). They all have ridiculously curly hair and the poofy skirt. The younger group always has the one boy with the black pants and turtleneck (he is, i'm guessing, the dance teachers son and has no choice but to be part of the troupe). It seems like a strange symbol for a culture. But then, I'm Scottish (they, of the kilts and bag-pipes), so, what are you gonna do?

Happy St. Pats

I'm closer every day to having a teenaged daughter

2006-03-16T23:21:00.000-07:00

My daughter has taken to dotting the "i" in her name with a heart. Sheesh.

Tax Fact Tuesday

2006-03-14T19:18:00.000-07:00

Everyone likes Tax deductions, even if they do get carried away sometimes. Well here are some bizarre tax deductions that were challenged and ultimately approved by the IRS or the courts:

-A business deduction was allowed for the bodybuilder's expenses for posing oil. [Wheir, Corey L. v. Comm. (T.C. Summ. Op. 2004-117)]

-Travel, room&board were allowed as medical expenses for sending a young child with respiratory problems to a boarding school in Arizona. [Stringham, L. Keever, (1949) 12 TC 580]

-Breast implants: Allowed as a business expense for an exotic dancer - Size 56FF. [Unpublished case]

-Cat food: Allowed as a business expense to attract wild cats to deter snakes from a scrap yard.
[Samuel T. Seawright, Et Ux., (2001) 117 TC No. 24]

-Clarinet lessons: Deduction allowed (for the clarinet, too) to help a child's overbite. [Rev Rul 62-210]

-Moving your pets: Moving expense deduction allowed for the cost of moving Fido to his
new home. [Rev Rul 66-305]

If you liked Goggle Earth...

2006-03-14T08:47:00.000-07:00

Google Mars

Bust out the Teamocil!

2006-03-13T23:19:00.000-07:00

From E! Online's "Watch With Kristen" chat:

the show is getting very, very close to finalizing a deal with Showtime, from what I hear. Fingers crossed!

Sunday Six (glazed edition)

2006-03-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

The Six Best Doughnut Varieties

1. Bismark
2. Chocolate Iced Cake
3. Apple Fritter
4. Buttermilk
5. Chocolate Iced Devil's Food
6. Raspberry Jelly

Crap!

2006-03-12T19:46:00.000-07:00

hmm...if they each gave me $1000...

2006-03-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

Forbes has their new world billionaire list out (and once again I have been snubbed). The top ten features 5 North Americans (3 US, 1 Mexico, 1 Canada) and seven of them are self-made. Numbers 15 through 21 on the list all have the last name "Walton". Four billionaires are under the age of thirty (three of whom are children of recently assassinated Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri). The youngest self-made billionaires are Google's Sergey Brin (32) and Larry Page(33) with about 13 billion each. All in all there are 793 billionaires on the list.

...but they're not happy.

Tax Fact Tuesday

2006-03-07T22:49:00.000-07:00

The estimated taxes due for receiving an Academy Awards presenters "Gift Bag" (see yesterday's entry) is $45,000.

The bag must legally be declared and the 45K is based on the value of the bag, estimated to be worth over $100,000, and assumes the presenter being in the highest California tax bracket. (good assumption)

...for your troubles

2006-03-06T22:00:00.000-07:00

Here are the contents (or at least a large portion) of the "Gift Bag" that Academy Awards presenters receive:

--Canadian travel package including stays at the Opus Hotel in Vancouver and the Wickaninnish Inn in Tofin, dinner at five restaurants: Elixir, West, Coast, Pointe, Shelter, yoga sessions, spa treatments and kayaking in Clayoquot Sound, a scenic flight to a remote lake
--Gaiam Gift Certificate ($500)
--Signature Days Gift Certificate ($500) "Experiences range from kite-boarding and a ride on an America's Cup Sailboat to spa treatments, yoga, personal chefs and private dance lessons."
--Krups XP4050 Premium Pump Espresso Machine and illy's Limited Edition Pistoletto Foundation Espresso Cup Collection (Value: $600)
--Vonage, The VTech Expandable Broadband Phone System. (Value: $550)
--Two Night Stay in a Suite at The Carlyle, A Rosewood Hotel in New York (Value: $2,300)
--Frette cashmere leather trimmed Voyage travel blanket (Value: $1,495)
--Firefly mobile phone for kids
--The Cheese Impresario at-home artisanal cheese experience for six. These events celebrate fine American artisanal cheeses and wines. The gift certificates are hand-printed on an antique letterpress from the early 1800’s on fine Italian paper.
--Moonstruck Chocolates: Twelve truffles within a custom hand-crafted Thai silk and teak wood box. (Value: $100+)
--The Loved Dog: Personal Training gift card, 3-night stay at Doggie Daycare, and a Luxury Dog Bed.
--Tara & Sons pearl and diamond necklace
--Mr. Handyman gift certificate for one day of service
--Four-night stay in the Vera Wang Suite at Halekulani Hotel, Waikiki Beach, a signature treatment at the famed SpaHalekulani, dinner for two at La Mer at Halekulani (over $25,000)
--Cornelia Day Resort "Unlimited Card" (worth $2,500), includes a $500 facial, massages, a whole range of beauty products and an entire day of beauty treatments
--Dinner party in Morton's Private Boardroom at any of their 69 restaurants (Value: $1500)
--Kay Unger vintage silk kimono ($500)
--A Year’s supply of Manni olive oil
--Two nights (plus surfing lessons) at St. Regis Resort in Monarch Beach, CA ($5,700)
--Two nights (plus wine tasting) at Bernardus Lodge in Carmel Valley, CA ($2,500)
--Three nights at one of five Fairmont Hotel & Resorts ($2500)
--A BRUGO Travel Mug (featuring the Perfect Temperature Zone)

Sunday Six (the price-fixed edition)

2006-03-05T13:51:00.000-07:00

The Last Six Songs I Bought on iTunes:

1. My City Was Gone - The Pretenders
2. Picture Book - Young Fresh Fellows
3. Float On - Modest Mouse
4. Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
5. The Girl from Ipanema - Astrud Gilberto, Joao Gilberto & Stan Getz
6. Rhapsody in Blue - George Gershwin

From AP (via CNN): Feds probe online music price fixing

The Taming of the Jerk

2006-03-02T10:35:00.000-07:00

If you watched ESPN this week (or perhaps CNN or the local news) you saw Barry Bonds in an amusing portrayal of Paula Abdul (wig, falsies and all) for a Giants spring camp prank. Funny? Yes. Totally out of character for Bonds? Yes. Well, maybe interacting with teammates, being upbeat and not selfish is really part of the true Barry Bonds and we've just not seen it before. Maybe. But, why show that side now, in the last of your 21 Major League seasons?

Simple: 6. The number of home runs Bonds need to pass Babe Ruth for second all time. You watch. This little Paula Abdul skit will the be first step in a major PR blitz that Bonds and his people will carry out in order to improve his well deserved image as a bad guy. You see, he's about the eclipse on of the most celebrated, appreciated and loved sports figures in American History - and no one really wants him to do it. After all, he's a jerk.

You saw it in 2001 - when he passed Ruth, Mantle, Sosa and McGwire to become the single season home run camp - and no one wanted him too. After all, we liked Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. Do remember when McGwire hit #61? I do too. Remember when Bonds his #71? Me either.

So, he can try (and he will), but I will see it for what it is: a PR blitz attempting be appreciated. Attempting to erase 21 years of treating his teammates and baseball fans like nothings. And I will be rooting for the Babe.

2006-02-26T18:52:00.000-07:00

Tax Fact Tuesday

2006-02-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

The IRS reported last week that $345 billion (with a "B") in taxes owed for 2001 has not been collected. They do expect to still collect $55 billion of the remaining total. The other $290 BILLION?...I guess you can't win them all.

French benefits

2006-02-20T17:21:00.000-07:00

The post below reminds me of one of my favorite commercials lately:

"Steely Dan is not one person,
We get fringe benefits, not French benefits,
it's not the Leaning Tower of Pizza,
and James Dean was an actor -- Jimmy Dean makes sausages."

Super Bowl Redux

2006-02-20T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'm a big Seahawks fan, and, yeah, I was sorry to see them loose the big game. But beyond the pure competition, for me it's all about the fringe benefits - while manifest in two main ways. One is highlights - having your team represented in the annual Super Bowl highlights from years past (granted, this is a better deal if your team wins). Secondly is the fact that all the football video games (Madden 2007, et. al.) being demoed at Best Buy and Wal-Mart and everywhere else, You will have the option of playing either Pittsburgh or Seattle - and I will have the option to avenge the Seahawks' loss over and over again.

Sunday Six (20th Winter Edition)

2006-02-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

The Six Winter Olympic Sports I most enjoy watching:
in no particular order

- Snowboard Cross
looks like a blast, and I like that you can knock each other down
- Short Track Speed Skating
doesn't look like a lot of fun - but you can knock each other down
- Curling
but the brooms do nothing
- Downhill Skiing
I don't normally like "race against the clock" events, but what these guys do, at that speed, is cool
- Moguls
clock + judges = nightmare - but it's still fun to watch
- Mens Hockey
I watched the entire Sweden vs. US game and it was awesome

GO USA!!!

McFly!

2006-02-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

Funny:
Brokeback to the Future

hat tip: Patrick Sauncy

Sunday Six (sponsored edition)

2006-02-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

Six best Super Bowl XL ads

1. Ameriquest Mortgage - Medical Misunderstanding
"That Killed Him"
2. Disney - "I'm Going to Disneyland" practice
3. Bud Light - Secret Fridge
4. Ameriquest Mortgage - Friendly Skies
5. Bud Light - Grizzly Bear
6. Sierra Mist - Airport Security

(wow, that was a strain coming up with good commercials. six was a stretch, I don't think I could do seven)

Lyric of the week

2006-01-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

Burn your TV in your yard
And gather 'round it with your friends
And warm your hands upon the fire
And start again

-Throw it All Away [toad the wet sprocket]

previous LOtWs

Tax Fact Tuesday

2006-01-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

This weeks tax fact will come in the form of a riddle. We all know that the rich don't pay enough taxes and the working man needs a break (we hear it all the time). But...do you know what percentage of the total income tax received by the IRS is payed by the bottom half of wage earners in our country? C'mon, make a guess - then click on comments to find the answer

Dr. Funke does hockey

2006-01-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

In case you missed it - there have been two totally amazing goals in hockey this year:

-Marek Malik's shootout winner
-Wonder Rookie Alexander Ovechkin

and for posterity's sake - the greatest goal I've ever seen - by Michigan's Mike Legg

Taming the iPod?

2006-01-20T16:00:00.000-07:00

It's not exactly Taming the Liger, but it's good to see more application of pop culture to spirituality.

Nbc5i.com: Community - Houston Pastor Preaches iPod Theology

Wasssup

2006-01-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

Go Google Yourself

2006-01-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

Alas, Mac users are second class citizens in the computer world and 10.3 users are second class citizens in the Mac world.
Google Earth is now available for Mac (10.4) users.

Golden Globs

2006-01-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, I hate (hate, hate) awards shows. (hate), but I'll focus on a finer point here.
I just saw that all four main characters from Desperate Housewives were nominated for the best actress in comedy category.

Wait, you're telling me that Desperate Housewives has the FOUR BEST ACTRESSES IN COMEDY ON TV!?!

Give me a break. Award shows are stupid.

Sunday Six (was it ever gone?)

2006-01-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

The six things I watch on TV

1. Lost
2. 24
3. King of Queens
4. ESPN
5. My Name is Earl
6a. Home Repair/Design shows (DIY/HGTV/This Old House, etc.)
6b. Food TV

I used to watch Arrested Development.

Double True

2006-01-13T20:00:00.000-07:00

More evidence that "Lazy Sunday"
is taking over the world.

Camero

2006-01-11T17:12:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the new Camero?

Tax Fact Tuesday

2006-01-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

A new Tax Foundation study estimates that complying with the federal income tax code during 2005 will cost U.S. taxpayers $265.1 billion and 6 billion hours will be spent by individuals, businesses and nonprofits complying with the federal income tax code. That’s about 22 cents in overhead costs for every dollar of income tax collected.

ink

2006-01-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

my daughter, dissatisfied with the quality of a page she printed off the internet, gave me a list of colors that needed to be changed in my printer: black, brown, blue and white.

Q:

2006-01-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

If my computer is smart enough to know my printer door is open, why doesn't it know when I close it?

fun wastes of time (for example:

2006-01-03T22:31:00.000-07:00

I used this spell with flickr page to spell my name (via Scott) and it's kinda fun.

Now I share...

)

Tax Fact Tuesday/Lyric of the week

2006-01-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

The Beatle's "Taxman" (penned by George Harrison) was inspired by the fact that they payed an exorbitant British tax rate of %95 on a large part of their earnings (one for you, nineteen for me).

Now my advice for those who die
Declare the pennies on your eyes
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

-Taxman [Beatles]

Ads by Goooogle!

2005-12-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

Hey - I'm sitting on a revenue giant that just needed to be woken. I promise to use all funds generated to improve this site and/or my personal life.

Just click the ad every time you leave my site - soon it will be like second nature! And automatic money-generating response.

Be part of something bigger than yourself! Doesn't that feel great?

seriously...just click it...please

I didn't get everything I wanted for Christmas

2005-12-28T23:00:00.000-07:00

...maybe next year

Happy Festivus!

2005-12-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

Chronic

2005-12-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

Props to Chris for posting a link to one funniest things I've seen on TV for a long time.
here-->Lazy Sunday

"You can call us Aaron Burr from the way we're droppin' Hamiltons"

**UPDATE** 12/23 9:00am

Great News!! You can download "Lazy Sunday" for FREE from iTunes *here*

hopefully this starts a trend of offering SNL skits for free download!

"Pibb + Red Vines = Crazy Delicious"

Lyric of the week

2005-12-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

So give your ID card to the border guard
Now your alias says you're Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Of the United Federation of Planets
'Cause he won't speak English anyway

- Banditos [the Refreshments]

???

2005-12-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

I just saw John Fogerty on the Wiggles Christmas Special. He even sang a song with them.

I'm so confused...

don't know what to think...

disoriented...

On Christmas Trees

2005-12-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

1. I noticed a lot of tree lots have signs all around that say "Fresh Cut". I thought it would be funny to take some black spray paint and make the "C"s into "O"s so they'd say "Fresh Out"

2. I've also noticed signs that say "Save a tree - buy live", but this to me seems counter-intuitive; if we don't buy live, and instead buy artificial trees, demand will be reduced and future tree harvests will be reduced - thus saving many more trees.

3. I've once said that anyone who buys one of those "Upside-Down Christmas Trees" deserves to have the lights on their tree short out, starting a fire that burns down their home. I realize now that that was harsh and no longer feel that way. But I don't like the upside-down trees -- because they're stupid.

4. My parents got a fiber-optic tree (they didn't buy it, they kinda ended up with it - long story). But my first reaction was to think that fiber-optic trees are lame and cheesy. I don't like too much modern technology in my Christmas. But I have an artificial tree and have for years - does that make me a hypocrite?

Lyric of the week

2005-12-15T17:00:00.000-07:00

I have a mansion, forget the price.
Ain't never been there they tell me it's nice.
I live in hotels, tear out the walls.
I have accountants pay for it all.

-Life's Been Good [Joe Walsh]

Corrections

2005-12-13T17:00:00.000-07:00

RegretTheError.com has collected some of the best newspaper errors and corrections of the year, like:

The Denver Daily News would like to offer a sincere apology for a typo in Wednesday's Town Talk regarding New Jersey's proposal to ban smoking in automobiles. It was not the author's intention to call New Jersey 'Jew Jersey.'

or from the Dallas Morning News::

Norma Adams-Wade's June 15 column incorrectly called Mary Ann Thompson-Frenk a socialist. She is a socialite.

There are a lot more, including Reuters correction of a massive recall of "beef panties"

Tax Fact Tuesday

2005-12-13T16:54:00.000-07:00

The United States now has the second highest corporate tax rate in the world, second only to Japan. America's corporate tax rate is higher than the rate in every European nation--even socialist welfare states like France and Sweden.

Sunday Six (Yule edition)

2005-12-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

6 Best Christmas Movies
in no particular order

1. A Christmas Story
"My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium. A master."
2. Christmas Vacation
"That there's an R.V."
3. Scrooged
Stagehand: "Mr. Cross, we can't get the antlers to stick on this little guy. We tried super glue, but that don't work."
Cross: "Have you tried staples?"
4. A Charlie Brown Christmas
Lucy: "Look, Charlie, let's face it. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It's run by a big eastern syndicate, you know."
5. It's a Wonderful Life
Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?
6. Die Hard
written on a dead terrorist's shirt: "Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho."

Lyric of the week

2005-12-08T22:25:00.000-07:00

Adjectives on the typewriter
He moves his words like a prize fighter
The frenzied pace of the mind inside the cell

-Shadow Stabbing [Cake]

Commercials are Good: Exhibit B

2005-12-06T17:22:00.000-07:00

Fox Sports Net "Get on Suns Time"
movers try to beat shot clock moving stuff into a house
hilarious!

Commercials are Good: Exhibit A

2005-12-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

The Snickers "Toupee"
bald man makes toupee of Snickers Bar - coworkers intervene

Reflections from a non-traveler

2005-12-04T23:00:00.000-07:00

I came back from Cali on Friday, leaving my lovely wife and daughter there. They return tomorrow and I can't be more pleased. Here are a few observations from my time home alone. If I were still a bachelor, I...
...would stay up too late every night
...would eat badly (okay, worsely)
...would spend fruitless hours on the computer
...would watch three football games each Sunday
...would life in filth

Maybe I'd get better with practice, but maybe I'd get worse.

Sunday Six (the original and still original)

2005-12-04T17:00:00.000-07:00

In commemoration of the Palmer family's recent trip to the Happiest Place on Earth:

My top 6 Disneyland Attractions

1. Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye
who knew whiplash could be so fun?
2. Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters
feeds the competitive nature in all of us
3. 50th Anniversary Fireworks Show
impressive
4. Pirates of the Caribbean
nostalgia value yes, but also entertaining
5. Fantasmic
four parts cool to one part corn
6. Star Tours
in serious need of an upgrade, but still classic

Lyric of the week

2005-11-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father who loved
His daughter more than I love you

-Father & Daughter [Paul Simon]

Tax Fact Tuesday

2005-11-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

Eight years after Lincoln's assassination it was discovered that he had overpaid his taxes by $1,250.

Sunday Six ("be thankful for this" edition)

2005-11-20T19:07:00.000-07:00

6 essential elements to my ideal Thanksgiving Dinner
1. Turkey
2. Mashed Potatoes & Gravy
3. Stuffin'
4. Cranberry Sauce
5. Corn
6. My Momma's Apple Pie

everything else is superfluous

quote...

2005-11-19T19:05:00.000-07:00

"For every innovative series that goes unwatched, four bunnies are slaughtered and a Heidi Klum sitcom is greenlighted."

-Entertainment Weekly's Dan Sneirson on Arrested's cancelation

lyric of the week

2005-11-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

You've been tellin' me you're a genius
Since you were seventeen
In all the time I've known you
I still don't know what you mean

-Reelin' in the Years [Steely Dan]

Tax Fact Tuesday

2005-11-15T23:06:00.000-07:00

2,100,000 IRS audits were conducted in 1996. Eighty-five percent of taxpayers selected by the IRS for random audits that year had incomes of less than $25,000.

Farewell Bluths...we barely knew thee

2005-11-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

The funniest show in history (no, not Seinfeld) is being cancelled. They will show no more episodes in November, then the final four episodes in December. The final four episodes...ever.

lyric of the week

2005-11-09T17:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes they tie a thief to the tree
Sometimes I stare
Sometimes it's me

-Jeremiah Blues [Sting]

Tax Fact Tuesday

2005-11-08T18:50:00.000-07:00

The IRS website has over 1,400 forms available for download. Which ones did you need?

Sunday Six (start your week right)

2005-11-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

The six best commercial parodies as featured on SNL's Best of Commercials last night.:
in no particular order

Old Glory Insurance
for when the metal ones decide to come for you - and they will.
Mom Jeans
get a free applique Mom Jeans vest with every purchase
Huggies Thong
in fact, they cause a bigger mess than if there were no diaper at all!
SmokeMaster 3000
do you want your family to be safe? do you love the 80s?
Homocil
Because it's your problem. Not theirs.
1st Citywide Change Bank
Citiwide wasn't able to convert it to dollars, but they did give me four guineas, two crowns, four shillings, and ten pence.

"honorable" mention: The Cluckin' Chicken, Turlington's Lower Back Tattoo Remover, Bad Idea Jeans, Schlitz Gay, (and not aired on the special was Nutri-Quick meals on the go "Well.. let's just say I put my lunch.. up my butt! ")

lyric of the week

2005-11-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

i had a match but she had a lighter
i had a flame but she had a fire
i was bright but she was much brighter

-Mexico [Cake]

Tax Fact Tuesday

2005-11-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

Today (tax fact Tuesday), the special Presidential Tax Advisory Committee presented their proposals. Among the laundry list of proposals: reducing the lines on a 1040 form from 72 to 32, and replacing the current deduction for mortgage interest with a home credit for all taxpayers equal to 15 percent of interest paid on a principal residence.

Halloween

2005-10-30T18:42:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, if you had a store bought costume, you were looked down upon: "Couldn't you make a costume? Don't your parents love you?" Nowadays that has flipped 180; if you have a homemade costume you're looked down upon: "What are you wearing? Can't your parents afford a real costume?"

I think both the old homemade costume and the new store-bought costume are status symbols, they just reflect different values. That, I think, is the sad change.

Sunday Six (Sunday edition)

2005-10-30T18:34:00.000-07:00

Six songs I bought with my birthday iTunes gift certificate

1. Feel Good Inc. [Gorillaz] i'm not immune to the occasional pop single
2. Kissing the Lipless [The Shins] in honor of the gifter (Jason Fischer)
3. Lay Down Sally [Eric Clapton] just felt I should have it
4. Domino [Van Morrison] classic
5. The Girl from Ipanema [Astrud Gilberto, Joao Gilberto & Stan Getz] on my top 5 classic tunes list
6. Our House [Madness] waxing nostalgic

The Anatomy of a Brainwashing

2005-10-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

October 27, 2004
"$1.50 for a gallon of gas? That's crazy!"

April 27, 2005
"$3.00 for a gallon of gas? That's insane"

October 27, 2005
"$2.60 for a gallon of gas? Awesome!"

Tax Fact Tuesday

2005-10-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

If a low wage earning family income increases by $1,000, the household might experience a $211 loss in the earned income tax credit, a several-hundred-dollar drop in food stamp benefits, or a drop in Medicaid benefits worth thousands of dollars. In some cases, parents who opt to work more or marry may see little or no additional gain (or actual losses in the case of marriage) in total income as a result.

Work hard and you'll get ahead...?

Leaders

2005-10-25T17:36:00.000-07:00

U.S. News and World Reports has posted it's "America's Best Leaders", which includes the likes of Condi Rice, Rick Warren and Steve Jobs. But alas, I was snubbed.

soberside

2005-10-25T00:47:00.000-07:00

I have started a new blog for more serious content (1/3 less smartass). It can be found at http://soberside.blogspot.com. It's me on teamocil, if you will.

4 8 15 16 23 42

2005-10-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

For last Wednesday's $300 Powerball drawing over 840 people played the "Lost" numbers, which among other things, netted Hurley a 156 million lottery win.

Tax Fact Tuesday

2005-10-19T00:27:00.000-07:00

42,545,501 of 131,113,969 income tax filers in 2004 had zero tax liability. That's 32.4%, up from 31.8% in 2003, 24.4% in 1994 and 16% in 1969 (the all time low)

Sunday SIX (almost always late)

2005-10-17T17:44:00.000-07:00

Six best Saturday Night Live Cast Members Ever

1. Bill Murray
2. Phil Hartman
3. Will Farrell
4. Jimmy Fallon
5. Eddie Murphy
6. Molly Shannon

…that's the way I see it

Tax Fact Tuesday

2005-10-11T22:45:00.000-07:00

The IRS has approximately 136,000 employees, and an additional 12,000 during tax season. The IRS's budget is over $10 billion a year.

Sunday SIX (much anticipated, seldom delivers)

2005-10-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

Six best Seinfeld episodes ever!
in fairly random order

-The Chicken Roaster
Jerry: "I'm on no sleep, no sleep i cant take it in there, things are creaking and crackin and that red light is burning my brain!"

-The Bizarro Jerry
Jerry: "What's in the briefcase"
Kramer: "Crackers."

-The Puerto Rican Day
Kramer: "Varnsen."
Jerry: "Pennypacker."

-The Merv Griffin Show
Jerry: "It's a victimless crime."
Elaine: "What about the woman who's been drugged and taken advantage of?"
Jerry: "Okay, one victim."

-The Betrayal
Elaine: "Good Night Jugdish"

-The Serenity Now
George: "You wanna buy a computer!?...Why not!?...Okay, good reason!"

Honorable Mention: The Soup Nazi, The Voice, The Dealership, The Festivus

Shining

2005-10-08T22:33:00.000-07:00

A must see movie trailer.
Brilliant!

Redefining the American Dream

2005-10-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

According to the October 3rd Washington Times, U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service (CIS) employees face 2,500 misconduct charges, including the practice of exchanging green cards for sex! Now read that while imagining "America the Beautiful" playing softly in the background.

Tax Fact Tuesday

2005-10-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

"Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, which defined the American nation, is 272 words in length. Our Declaration of Independence is some 1,300 words. The Bible, which spans several thousand years of human history, is 773,000 words. But the federal tax code, with all of its attendant rules and regulations, is 9 million words and rising."

-Steve Forbes, to the President's Advisory Panel on Federal Tax Reform, May 11, 2005

Sunday SIX (one better than the Sunday FIVE)

2005-10-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

six of the best fast-food burgers around
in no particular order

:In-n-Out Burger Double Double
best pure cheeseburger
:Carl's Jr. Western Bacon Cheesburger
best use of bbq sauce
:A&W Bacon Cheeseburger
i could be biased by the root beer
:Carl's Jr. Breakfast Burger
my current favorite and the inspiration for this list
:Wendy's Double
add salt & pepper liberally
:Jack-in-the-box Sourdough Jack
inferior replacement to the sourdough back cheeseburger

Scrabble

2005-10-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

I just watched part of the 2005 National Scrabble Championship on ESPN. A couple of observations:
1. evidently most of the top players are math geeks, or people who work with numbers, rather than language types -- intersting, eh?
2. who do these people play when they're not playing each other? I mean, who can they find that they don't just destroy? (It's like me finding someone to play Hearts with)
3. the audience gets way too into this

Why do car dealerships think I'm an idiot?

2005-10-01T23:06:00.000-07:00

To the right is a "Certificate to Issue". The message on the bottom assures me that "This is a real and actual notice". The "Dealer of Issuance" is Right Honda. I get something like this every couple of weeks - always some kind of official looking, government issue offer. Usually looking something like a check for $50,000. Of course if I were to take one of these offers to a dealer, I might just as well wear a shirt that says "I'm a moron...fleece me"

Put On Your Party Hats! It's Tax Fact Tuesday!!!

2005-09-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

According to the Tax Foundation, in 2002 alone, American individuals, businesses and nonprofits spent 5.8 billion hours complying with the tax code. That means that if the average life expectancy of an American is seventy-six years; the time it takes for tax-compliance in ONE YEAR equals the total combined life-span of 8,700 American.
*from "The FairTax Book" by Neal Boortz, p.43

Blame FEMA

2005-09-27T20:44:00.000-07:00

Sunday SIX (Tuesday Edition)

2005-09-27T08:01:00.000-07:00

Six HORRIBLE Kids shows that I have at times been subjected to
(in no order)

:Cailou
teaches kids that being a whiney brat can be fun and rewarding
:Doodlebops
Canada strikes again, they make the Wiggles look like the Beatles
:Boombah/Teletubies
These shows will actually make your children dumber by watching
:Lazytown
I just don't like the euro-athlete-superhero, he's creepy
:Dragon Tales
not "Faaaabulous!!"
:Barney
The Howard Stern of kids shows, you gotta give the guy his props, but it's still brutal

by way of Gordon Lightfoot

2005-09-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

If you hear the new Franz Ferdinand song "Do You Want To" - try singing the words to the Electric Light Orchestra's "Don't Bring Me Down", because you can.

Dr. Phil

2005-09-19T22:59:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Dr. Phil, and man is it depressing (I'd avoid it if you can). God bless Dr. Phil, I agree with him 98% of the time (scary), but what is the purpose? Here are, for the purpose of positivity, three things I can take away from an episode of Dr. Phil, SuperNanny or Nanny 911:
1. There but by the Grace of God go I; I have to be cognizant that I, in my flesh, am capable of the kind of bad decisions, bad temperament and all around bad behavior we see on these shows.
2. People around us are hurting; if we open our eyes we can see them, maybe (again, by the Grace of God) help them
3. There are bad people in the world; people who are redeemable, but unredeemed, loved by God, but don't know it and don't walk in it, and in fact: hate it. See number 2.

Sunday SIX (you got a problem with six?)

2005-09-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

Six funniest shows ever (followed by a memorable line from the show)

in no particular order

-Seinfeld
"melenoma!" -Jerry
-News Radio
"No! Sing it pretty, like me." -Bill McNeal
-King of Queens
"Oh my God! My TiVo thinks I'm gay!"-Spence
-The Simpsons
"Hot Dog! Hot Dog! Yes sir, no sir, okay, maybe." - Apu Nahasapemapetilon
-Saturday Night Live
"I'm not that strong a swimmer" -men's synchro hopeful Lawrence
-Arrested Development
"You know, we're not the only ones destroying trees. What about beavers? You call yourself an environmentalist, why don't you go club a few beavers?"-Lindsay

honorable mention: Cheers, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Scrubs, Kids in the Hall

Sunday SIX (six is good, no?)

2005-09-12T00:10:00.000-07:00

This Week: Six hidden musical gems
in no particular order

1. Overkill - Lazlo Bane
remake of the underrated Men at Work tune…done right
2. Mary's Prayer - Danny Wilson
most POPpy of the list, but there's something smooth about it. revived on "something about mary" soundtrack
3. She - Harry Connick Jr.
i don't care for his big band stuff (which makes me the opposite of most everyone else) but I dig his New Orleans/zydeco/jazz stuff and this song (and the the album of the same name) is awesome
4. Looking Back - John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers
done by several of the bluesmen - catchy chorus and straight out blues
5. Run On for a Long Time - The Blind Boys of Alabama
elvis did this one too, but the blind boys capture the soul of this one perfectly
6. My Old School - Steely Dan
i love all steely dan, but the fact that this song isn't as well known as reelin' in the years and ricki don't loose that number, and the fact that it's not a rock classic, escapes me. contains one of the sweetest guitar solos ever and a great horn arrangement

Bloggers beware : [

2005-09-08T17:24:00.000-07:00

some (newbie) hyper-hyphenating-punctuation-clown *:o) is out there criticizing freedom of expression :^}

when I read his posting, I was shocked :-0 and actually quite saddened :-( that instead of entering the blog-o-sphere with the kind of excitement :-D that many of the rest of us have, he came in with a cool boy B-) attitude. This holier-than-thou 0 :-) attitude really makes me mad >:-|

who does this guy think he is...the pope? +-:-) Is he crazy? 8-P

you know who you are...and you're dead X-[

Man's Best Friend

2005-09-06T16:31:00.000-07:00

I think a very many Christians, as well as a very many Americans (and Canadians and Europeans, etc.) are unwittingly lending to the dehumanization of people by the glorification of our house pets. I'm no hater - I love dogs and many cats, and I have nothing against hamsters, birds, fish, turtles, lizards or ferrets. But the changing attitude that we have towards our pets scares me because it's the kind of seemingly inane change that sneaks up on a culture and who's damage is not perceived to be a severe as it really is. The change in attitude reveals itself in several ways, of which I'll point out a couple.

Clearly, more and more, we see dogs and cats considered true members of the family. We all know families that deem their dogs to be their "kids" and are, sadly, treated with the same respect and privileges as the human members of the family. We (more and more) dress our pets up, making them appear more human - making them appear more appropriate to the way they are treated. We spend money on them: specialty pet stores and brands are popping up everywhere, allowing us to spend human-type money on clothes, food and accessories for our pooches. Money, which in the past would be considered to be "wasted" on a dog, but now, a dog is more than a dog and is worth it.

I saw Hurricane Katrina coverage yesterday which included a group of group of policemen who where boating door-to-door in order to help people evacuate their flooded homes. One woman refused to leave for the simple reason that she did not want to leaver her cat. She felt she could live without food and water in the presence of unsanitary conditions - but she could not live without her cat.

Hear a man beat his wife...not your business, don't get involved. Hear a man beat his dog...call the police.

When we over-value a dog, we devalue humanity. Dogs are not human and not on par with humanity. They were not created in God's image and cannot reflect that image. Dogs are not without worth, buy their worth should be entirely eclipsed by the worth of man - who WAS created in God's image, for whom the Son of Man died, who is eternal. A gift bought for a dog is a gift not bought for a poor or homeless child, a dollar donated to the Humane Society is a dollar not donated to the Red Cross.

I'm not saying we beat our dogs and I'm not saying we should not have pets that we care for - but as my second grade teacher told me, "Let's put that energy toward something more productive." Let's elevate humanity.

2005-09-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

after and before nasa satellite photos of New Orleans

2005-09-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

The recent Jessica Simpson remake has inspired me to make a worst popular music ever list. Here are my top six:

1. You Can Go Your Own Way - Wilson Phillips
2. We Built this city on Rock and Roll - Jefferson Starship
3. Shake Your Love - Debbie Gibson
4. Wind of Change - Scorpions
5. Breakfast at Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something
6. These Boots are Made For Walking - Jessica Simpson

Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Based Blog

Arrested Development DVD News

Sunday Six (sunday six indeed!)

hiatus

The Map

I need a hug.

Banny in the Show

Charles Edmund Cheese

Tax Fact Tuesday

Sunday Six (prize inside)

Happy St. Patricks Day.

I'm closer every day to having a teenaged daughter

Tax Fact Tuesday

If you liked Goggle Earth...

Bust out the Teamocil!

Sunday Six (glazed edition)

Crap!

hmm...if they each gave me $1000...

Tax Fact Tuesday

...for your troubles

Sunday Six (the price-fixed edition)

The Taming of the Jerk

Tax Fact Tuesday

French benefits

Super Bowl Redux

Sunday Six (20th Winter Edition)

McFly!

Sunday Six (sponsored edition)

Lyric of the week

Tax Fact Tuesday

Dr. Funke does hockey

Taming the iPod?

Wasssup

Go Google Yourself

Golden Globs

Sunday Six (was it ever gone?)

Double True

Camero

Tax Fact Tuesday

ink

Q:

fun wastes of time (for example:

Tax Fact Tuesday/Lyric of the week

Ads by Goooogle!

I didn't get everything I wanted for Christmas

Happy Festivus!

Chronic

Lyric of the week

???

On Christmas Trees

Lyric of the week

Corrections

Tax Fact Tuesday

Sunday Six (Yule edition)

Lyric of the week

Commercials are Good: Exhibit B

Commercials are Good: Exhibit A

Reflections from a non-traveler

Sunday Six (the original and still original)

Suggested Reading

Lyric of the week

Tax Fact Tuesday

Sunday Six ("be thankful for this" edition)

quote...

lyric of the week

Tax Fact Tuesday

Farewell Bluths...we barely knew thee

lyric of the week

Tax Fact Tuesday

Sunday Six (start your week right)

lyric of the week

Tax Fact Tuesday

Halloween

Sunday Six (Sunday edition)

The Anatomy of a Brainwashing

Tax Fact Tuesday

Leaders

soberside

4 8 15 16 23 42

Tax Fact Tuesday